Since having Adam I’ve done a lot of losing and finding myself. It’s funny how becoming a parent can do that to you isn’t it?! I started this blog when I found out I was pregnant and instantly felt very alone in the things I was experiencing and the way I was feeling. The parenting blogger market is so heavily saturated but the real, shitty gritty stuff is still buried deep down below all the perfection of parenting and I wanted the shitty stuff. I wanted someone else to tell me that what I was feeling wasn’t strange, or wrong or unheard of! I wanted someone else to write about what I was writing about. And then I started believing those to be my weaknesses and I hid them from the world (those posts are set to private).
Those feelings haven’t really changed very much since having Adam, they’ve actually grown and evolved. Feelings of losing myself as a person, losing my independence, suddenly being thrown into this huge amass of responsibility. Since falling pregnant and becoming a parent all I’ve wanted was to shake those feelings! I didn’t want those feelings anymore but I’m learning to embrace them. I went from being an independent working professional, showered and dressed every morning and not smelling of congealed breast milk to barely getting a second to breathe, let alone eat or sleep and constantly rocking the messy bun with added grease and it was a shock to the system to say the least.
So naturally I’ve gone on a very long soul searching journey whilst riding the motherhood train and I seem to finally be finding my feet. Being on maternity leave meant I had lots of free time on my hands (in between the sleepless nights and cluster feeds) to work on finding me again. It took a while but I realised I could be me whilst still being Mum. I rekindled my love for writing but also found a new passion for photography and with Instagram being a visual platform, that is naturally where all of my efforts have been spent recently. If you haven’t found me on my blog, it’s most likely I’ve been on Instagram, Liking, Commenting and creating a bit of magic for my feed but I’ve also been creating lots of useful Instagram related content for my wonderful friend Jodine and her new venture Brand Influencers UK.
Instagram has fast become my little obsession but I am by no means an expert. I do enjoy learning the inner workings of Instagram and as well as following the works of Sara Tasker, I am partial to spending my spare time learning about what works for Instagram and what doesn’t and I love shouting about it from the rooftops but for some reason I just don’t put my own knowledge into practice.
My downfall when it comes to Instagram or anything for that matter, is that I fail to practice what I preach. I know what works and what gains traction but I rarely find the time or energy to put those things in to practice. 2019 is the year I stop making those excuses and practice what I teach!
I have had a fair bit of time to soul search these last few weeks (that’s what being admitted to hospital twice in the space of a week does to you!) and I’ve realised that my whole purpose for blogging or Instagram blogging hasn’t changed. I still very much see it as an outlet for my mental health journey and a way of communicating feelings that I otherwise may not be able to express. But the way I convey my message has changed, I use photography and editing as a form of therapy and what better platform to do that on than Instagram right?!
So there is a little insight for you about my journey and how it has evolved over the past year or so for all the new followers who have found their way to me through Instagram and for those that have been there from the start. I’m still learning and growing, and I don’t claim to be an expert but I now where my passions lie, I know what makes me ME again.