The frazzled Mother

I’ve had a little bit of a hiatus from writing on my blog recently and although it wasn’t planned I just haven’t felt like sitting down and writing.

The main reason for that is because I use writing as an outlet for all the frustration of day to day life.  I like being able to sit down and pen my worries and just leave them there for a while because it not only frees up my mind from all the clutter but it also brings me closer to a whole community of people out there who may be feeling the same way as me and a problem shared is a problem halved.

But recently I’ve found other creative outlets for reconnecting with myself and de-cluttering my frazzled mummy brain, mainly Instagram!

Some of you may not know but when my maternity leave ended I felt so overwhelmed with life with a baby, and the added everyday pressures of being a wife, a woman, a human being, that going back to work almost broke me.  I can talk about it now because I’m in a much better place personally, psychologically, physically and emotionally but at the time I just wanted to run away!

For quite some time I lied to everybody that asked and just said ‘yes, work is fine’ but my reality was I was barely half the person I was before getting pregnant and I was trying to spread that half person so thinly over my husband, my son, the house, my blog, life in general and it just wasn’t working.  I was granted a 6 month career break which suddenly freed my mind of so much emotional distress and all the stresses that came with being away from my boy.  I gave myself those 6 months to grow as a person so that when the time came to going back to work I’d be in the best position I could be to juggle motherhood and having a life.

Well that time has actually come! In three weeks time I shall be hanging up my mummy cape and heading off to work for 2 days a week and this time I feel ready for it.  We’ve found a nursery that is a bit further away but I feel Adam with thoroughly enjoy and I have had the last 6 months to free my mind of all the negativity I was harboring, surrounding motherhood in general and am in a much better place.

What has helped me the most is keeping myself busy, focusing my mind on more taxing and creative tasks so that I just haven’t had the time to obsess and fester on negative things.  I became obsessed about many things when I first my son like breastfeeding (I had to get it right and when it wasn’t I blamed myself for being a useless mother), Separation anxiety (I couldn’t manage even an hour or two without my baby) and lots more including his weight gain and his health in general (I worried about every little ailment and it made me an anxious mess!).

If you’ve followed me on Instagram for a while you’ll notice a bit of an evolution in my photography recently, I’m enjoying putting my focus on editing and taking beautiful photos instead of worrying but I’m not going to lie it’s worked brilliantly until now…

I’m back to being a nervous wreck and an anxious crazy loon but I think with enough planning, the transition into nursery life has been a bit easier this time.  I’ll be writing a post about what we changed and how we’ve made the whole process of enrolling him back into nursery much easier for him and for me so keep your eyes peeled for that.

 


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